01 January 2008

Happy New Year

2007 is over and good riddance. In a year that was filled with pluses and minuses, it certainly wasn't a good year. I lost two relatives and because of the MS, I killed a part of myself off but was reborn into someone else. That's part of the territory.

I've been on vacation since Christmas Eve. Out of those days, I haven't felt great 2 out of 3 days after my shot. Tonight, I had to leave a party early. It was the first shot at the full dosage. My comment about a hot poker rang true tonight. I've stopped doing the manual injections and started using the gun. I haven't bruised as much or at all.

I felt fine for a few hours then just started getting hot and cold flashes, sweats and then a pounding headache. The next day after my last shot at 50% was the worst I've felt so far. Later today will be a joy. Although if this brief history rings true, it won't be for a while until the full affects are felt. Tonight could have just been a coincidence, or not.

On the plus side, I reconnected with an old buddy. A person he works with was also just diagnosed with MS. In order to help both of us, he wants to get us together. While this is an excellent idea, it brings about that fine line of "I have MS, but don't have it." I've never presented with any symptoms. I was only diagnosed because an MRI showed scar tissue. How old, nobody could tell.

One of the slogans for MSLife Lines is "You don't get MS until you get MS." I have it and I still don't get it. I've read all about it, read the horror stories, know what the future could hold, but what about the present? Usually, when someone is diagnosed with a disease, their life changes and their life is defined by their disease. When it's discovered of an incorrect diagnosis after an extended period of time, depression usually sets in. That one defining, constant thing is suddenly gone. One is left with the question "Who am I?"

I'm still new at this. I'm still trying to define who I am. Hell, I was trying to do that before this. When one suddenly has a ticking time bomb inside them and there's no telling when it could go off, what does one do. My philosophy has always been live life to the fullest, act like it's the last day of your life because there may never be a tomorrow. Great idea when it's only yourself you have to worry about. When all of a sudden your future may depend on someone having to take care of you when you can't take care of yourself, being scared and fear sets in.

Enough waxing philosophical . . . more when the desire arises.

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