I am in . . .

Hell. Because of the myelitis, the only exercise I can do is work out. When volleyball was my life, I worked out to improve my game. As I got older, I worked out to keep what game I had. Now, I work out to preserve what strength that I have and to keep fit in case that day comes when I have an flare up and the MS presents itself.

Every day is different and presents varying degrees of how I feel. Tuesday was back to working out. Leg day. Wednesday another injection and working the arms. I felt pretty good. Usually, once every two weeks I try to go heavy. Since I felt good today, I did a combination: medium weights with step ups and step downs. I figured that the muscle pain I was to endure the next day would help mask the flu induced by the shot. Great plan I said to myself.

Thursday . . . muscle pain and I felt good when I woke up. Except for an hour later when the flu kicked in. Two pills and an hour after that, back to normal. Except for the muscle that I seemed to have pulled in my back that threw it out again.

Dante needed to add another level of hell in "Paradise Lost" because the combination of a thrown back and myelitis is a one that truly should be missed. For those that may be reading this that don't know the feeling of either, imagine the feeling after the pain recedes from hitting your funny bone and all that remains is the tingling all through your arm. I have that from the toes on my left foot all the way up to my rib cage. I have it 24/7. Now, add the pulled muscle in my lower back that pulls my spine out of alignment. Oh, did I mention that even below the layer of fat I have on my stomach, my abs are still strong. They want to compensate for the pulled muscle and clench and pull themselves.

It is my life and something that I've gotten used to.